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Talk:Unbelievable/@comment-3575890-20140310154911
A TWD fan just wrote this essay and I could not possibly agree more with every word: I started watching the Walking Dead a few seasons in, for many of the same reasons I watch anything…because a lot of other people liked it, and it was streaming on Netflix. Also, being a long time Stephen King fan, I’m interested in any Frank Darabont project. I’m not overly into zombies (or werewolves or vampires or whatever the next supernatural craze will be) but what I do like and always have, are relationships. People, especially people in extreme situations (like, you know, a zombie apocalypse) have always fascinated me, how they change in order to survive, what keeps them human, the way they relate to others. And that is why I kept watching the Walking Dead, and why it became quite possibly my favorite show ever. Sadly, it is now a relationship that’s causing me to rethink whether I’ll ever watch it again. Specifically, the as yet undefined relationship between Daryl Dixon and Beth Greene. I don’t know if it will become a romantic relationship or not, but if it does, TWD and I are parting ways. It would be simple to say that it’s because Daryl (the character) is in his 40’s and Beth (the character) is a teenager. I could leave it at that, and probably should, because God knows how long this will be and where it will go if I really get rambling. But I won’t, because I feel more explanation is due. I think that, within the context of a real catastrophic event, relationships between teens and older people (both consensual and otherwise) would certainly happen, possibly even more frequently than they do in real life, as society and its rules would be gone. So in that regard it makes sense, furthermore I don’t, as some do, feel the relationship would make Daryl a pedophile as Beth is clearly NOT a prepubescent child. What I do feel is that the possibility of a romantic relationship between the two highlights many things I don’t like about our society (this one, right now, not a supposed post-apocalyptic world.) I know many people are saying “but in the show" and acting as though our societal norms don’t matter, when clearly they do. (As the smallest of examples, if they didn’t, would Rosita be standing there in booty shorts and freshly waxed legs? In the zombie apocalypse? Come now.) People who want to see the pair become a couple have started saying “well she could be at least 20” or “well Daryl, the character, might be only in his thirties even if the actor is 45…” Neither of these things are the case. Beth is at most 18. She was still 17 when Axel asked her how old she was at the prison. (Oh, remember that scene? When Axel attempted to hit on Beth? That was supposedly creepy, you know, because Axel’s SO OLD. The thing of it is, he is almost certainly the same age as Daryl.) Furthermore, there is no way Daryl is in his thirties, as his older brother Merle was at least 48. (The actor playing him is 58, and asking us to assume he’s any more than a decade younger is pushing the boundaries of belief.) Daryl tells a story of being lost in the woods as child (clues point to him being around ten at the time) and Merle was away in juvenile detention, meaning there is at most a 7-8 year age difference between brothers. Sorry, folks, Daryl’s in his 40’s. My other major issue is the relationship (also as yet undefined) between Daryl and abused housewife turned badass Carol. To say that I want Daryl and Carol to be a couple is like saying that the Grand Canyon is a modestly sized hole in the ground. To use terms fangirls everywhere would recognize: I ship them, baby. I ship ‘em HARD. When I first started watching the show, I was touched by the growing relationship between the two of them. I had no idea it was a “controversial” thing, and was confused when I realized that it was because the actors playing the two characters are three and half years apart in age. What’s the big deal, you ask? It’s because Melissa McBride, playing Carol, is the older one. Not only is she older than Norman Reedus (playing Daryl) she actually dares to LOOK like a woman in her forties, short gray hair and all. (Although frankly, if we’re going to be upset about people with short gray hair being portrayed as the love interest of a younger partner, someone really ought to have a word with George Clooney.) Carol has become something of a controversial figure as of late. She appears to have (as in admitted it) killed two people suffering from a fatal disease. Now whether she actually did it or it was little Norma Bates…excuse me, Lizzie, remains to be seen, but I’m going to work with the theory that she did, in fact, kill them. I back Carol on this. I back her down to the ground, and I will explain why. She is certainly nowhere near the first character on TWD to make a decision like this. Daryl himself came close to burying an ax in Jim’s head in season 1, after Jim was bitten by a walker. No one suggested Daryl be banished (as was Carol’s fate) or that he’d “gone cold” or “couldn’t be trusted”. They didn’t let him do it, but they understood why he did: because he was operating with the information he had at the time, which was that Jim would sicken and die and become dangerous to the group. Carol, too, did the same. From what she’d seen, the infected duo would “drown in their own blood”, reanimate, and kill. Other characters and their questionable actions include Daryl and Rick deciding to turn an innocent woman over to be tortured to death (again, they didn’t, but it was close), Rick not stopping for a hitchhiker and thus sentencing him to death, and Merle attempting to murder Glenn via walker. None of the men above were punished for their actions, even Merle, who was allowed to stay at that prison (a choice denied Carol) and was not even kept in a cell; he was free to wander about “looking for a lil crystal meth.” Now, what do the above characters have in common that Carol doesn’t? That’s right…penises. I want to quickly say that I’m not what one might term a kneejerk feminist. I do not often think in terms of “the patriarchy” and what it controls or doesn’t, or immediately decry gender stereotyping, or anything of the sort. What I will do, though, is say what is or isn’t fair. What has happened to the character of Carol is not fair, and to me it is also insidiously sexist. People talk about Carol in terms of being “remorseless”, “cold”, “calculating.” And don’t we know that women are not supposed to be those things? It’s all very well for Rick or Merle or Daryl or even Shane to make the hard decisions, to make tough calls, to do things that are morally ambiguous at best, and still have people say “well…it’s a different world.” But Carol, she’s different. She’s a woman, and a matriarchal figure at that. She’s supposed to be warm and nurturing and soft, and when she isn’t, she has clearly gone crazy and must be ousted. So she was banished, and how Daryl truly feels about that remains to be seen, as the prison fell almost immediately after he found out and everyone in it is now separated and believes the others to be dead. Daryl, the wounded redneck turned heartthrob hero, is one of the most interesting characters to grace our television screens in quite awhile. He is arguably the fan favorite, and his romantic life (or lack thereof, so far) has been the subject of intense speculation. I assumed, as did many, that given the nature of his scenes with Carol, they would eventually be a couple. I was shocked when I realized how vehemently against it some fans were, and that their proposed substitute was Beth, a girl who had had no scenes with Daryl at that point and who I best remember as singing and trying to kill herself. I found the reasons disturbing. “We love Daryl, we want him with a hot chick.” (Personally, when I love someone, I want them with a partner who understands and connects with them. Call me crazy.) “Daryl is an awesome guy, he deserves Beth!” (As though Beth, and young women like her, are not people with wants in their own right. They are instead trophies or toys for “deserving” men.) ”Carol is older, the age difference is too much, he should be with Beth!” (We have established that Daryl and Carol are both in their 40’s. Beth is 17 or 18. It’s called math, people, you might have heard of it.) One issue that complicates everything is that the actress playing Beth (Emily Kinney) is 28. There have been scenes between Beth and Daryl now that could possibly be considered romantic (hand holding, etc) that I don’t think would have happened if an actress actually in her late teens had been cast instead. It’s entirely possible that the writers are doing it to stir up more or the Beth vs Carol sentiment for ratings, and again, I think if the actress were younger this would not be happening. People have discussed Carl (who must be around 14) as a possible romantic partner for Beth. Norman Reedus has expressed incredulity at this, saying “they’re not the same age.” No, they aren’t, but the case should be made that they are one hell of a lot closer in age than Daryl and Beth, a pairing Norman goes on to say “would be be cool.” I like Norman Reedus, what I know of him. I think he seems like a genuinely sweet, albeit oblivious guy. Do I think he’d be touting a Daryl/Beth relationship as “cool” with an actual seventeen year old actress? Maybe, but I doubt it, and if he felt that way I doubt the powers that be would allow him to express it. I get that 14 and 18 is a big gap given the different stages one is at during those ages, and I personally shudder at the thought of Carl and Beth being a couple because, again, in the back of my mind I know Emily Kinney is almost 30, whereas Carl is played by an actual teenage boy. I feel that in this respect, the show wants to have its cake and eat it too. They want us to believe that Emily Kinney as Beth is a teenager, yet they put the character in situations they would not if she actually were. The people who want Beth and Daryl as a couple sigh at the stereotypical nature of it all. Beth is blonde and bubbly and hopeful and pretty and very, very young. Everything a princess in a fairytale ought to be, really. And Daryl? Well, in a zombie apocalypse, a crossbow-toting redneck who’s easy on the eyes is as close to a Prince Charming as you’re going to find. This is another reason it bothers me. This message. Sure, you can get the hero, girls. You can get the heartthrob, you can get the Prince Charming. Sure you can. All you have to do is be pretty. Be pretty and young and sweet, and most of all, need him to protect you. Because this is one instance where Carol falls short. She no longer needs Daryl’s protection. She didn’t look to him or any man when she made her decision (rightly or wrongly) to kill Karen and David. She was a woman locked in a cocoon her entire “before” life, by her abusive husband and the life she led with him. It took the zombie apocalypse and the tragic death of her daughter to release her, but once it did she spread her wings and flew. She is strong, now. She knows exactly who she is and what she’s working with. She was the one with a workable plan to get rid of the Governor (and if Andrea had listened, Milton, Merle, Hershel, and Andrea herself in addition to countless others would still be alive). She knew to (in a sadly deleted scene) threaten Merle with death while he slept, because she is smart enough to know that she could never take him any other way. For that matter, she knew to whip a grenade out of her purse at the CDC, thus insuring everyone’s survival. She is a woman who will survive, and will protect the people she loves with everything she has. She is fiercely loyal, still good humored despite it all, and stronger than anyone could have imagined. In other words, Daryl should be so lucky. But of course, she has short gray hair. How could I have forgotten? This has thrown a lot of issues into the light for me. I wish it hadn’t, it makes me more upset and angry than I thought a TV show could. And maybe the Powers That Be like that. Maybe if they do romantically connect Daryl and Beth, and lose viewers, they’ll spout a lot of stuff about “controversy” and “going there” and “we lost some viewers over it, but creatively…” Blah, blah, blah. If they become a couple, I will no longer watch, plain and simple. It isn’t because I want Caryl together so much (I wouldn’t stop watching if Daryl never hooked up with anyone, or hooked up with Michonne, or even long shot Rick ;) ) but because I will not and can’t get behind something celebrating a romantic relationship between a man in his forties and a teenager. When this is preferred over another coupling merely because the woman involved is a smidge older than we’re used to seeing our romantic heroines be, it indicates a problem. And have a problem we do, as a society. One only needs to look at the recent Academy Awards broadcast to see that. Kim Novak appeared, age 81, to present an award. Social media immediately blew up, decrying her “terrible” plastic surgery, making puns and jokes and downright jabs at her expense. The next day a television host (who really should to look into glass houses and what happens to them when ones throws stones) said that Kim Novak “ought to have stayed home, so we could remember her the way she was.” The way she was, which was young. Which was beautiful. Beautiful she was, very much so. After all she did everything right, didn’t she? She changed her name and her teeth and her hair and stayed very, very slim. She did everything society (and her abusive manager) told her to do. If it were a game, she certainly played by the rules. But there were no winners, because she couldn’t stay that way. She couldn’t stay young and lovely and fresh faced, so she did was almost all aging starlets do…got surgery. Honestly, do I blame her? No. I have never had to depend on my looks, personally. They are mostly “ish” looks…tall-ish, occasionaly slim-ish, blonde-ish. Just your average 31 year old mom with needs-to-be-touched-up hair in a ponytail, still wearing yesterday’s yoga pants. Quite frankly, I never had any real looks to lose. But even still, even ordinary me looks in the mirror sometimes at the faint lines etching themselves into my forehead and thinks “hmm…Botox?” If I’d depended on, banked on my looks, been a raving beauty like Kim Novak, I can say with certainty that surgery would probably have been the least of it. We’re talking voodoo sacrifices here, people! :) What does this long, rambling detour have to do with the romantic relationships on the Walking Dead? Nothing, maybe. Or then again, maybe everything. I couldn’t really tell you; it’s quite late here and I’m tired and upset. What I can tell you is this. Before (as in, about a year ago) things like this were a mild inconvenience. By “things like this” I mean sexism. I mean double standards. I mean things like graph after graph pointing out the age differences between actors and their romantic leads in Hollywood (hint: if you could have fathered the woman and not been on any “Teen Dad” reality shows for it, don’t. Just don’t.) I mean things like study after study telling us that women would trade IQ points for beauty, would rather die than be fat. Before, I realized these things, and they were a small irritation, like a mosquito in a dark room. But now I have a reason to be more than irritated. I have a reason to be furious. The reason is nine months old. As I write this, the reason is upstairs sleeping in footed fleece pajamas with pink and gray pigs on them, as lullabyes play from a stuffed turtle on a shelf. The reason is my daughter, Maggie. And let me tell you, what I begrudgingly put up with all my life when it was just me, I will move heaven and earth to prevent from touching her. She knows nothing about her body, other than that she can use it to get places. She knows nothing about her face, other than that she likes to smoosh it against mine. She certainly has no idea that when she grows up, being kind and smart and brave will be all well and good, but for many people, the most important thing she can be is pretty. The Walking Dead is just a TV show. I get that. I understand that. But it, and the possible relationship between Beth and Daryl (and the dislike for a possible relationship between Carol and Daryl) is for me a glaring example of wider issues in our society, that are harmful to women everywhere. Women like me. Like my baby daughter will someday be. So, no, I won’t be watching if Beth and Daryl end up romantically involved. I’ll miss it, and I’ll probably be sad about it. But most of all I’ll be sad that the Powers the Be had a chance to not buy into the stereotypical nonsense, and they didn’t take it.